Going through the motions
by The 3 She-geeks
Summary: Spike now has a soul, and is on his first day back to SunnyD, but the day doesn't go as greatly as he had hoped... Plus he seems condemned to live this day again and again, while being the only one to notice... Will he be able to change his fate?
1. Coming back

**DAY 1.**  
  
Right before the sunrise, a man was walking through the cemetery. He looked tired, and instinctively walked to Spike's old crypt, taking a look inside and going downstairs. He laid down on the bed absentmindedly and felt asleep almost immediately.  
  
He slept through the whole day and, at the end of the night the next morning, a floppy eared demon came in the crypt and, as usual, switched the TV on. When Clem walked downstairs and saw the man laying on the bed, he approached slowly and then...  
  
Clem: SPIKE!!!! IT'S YOU!!!  
  
Surprised, Spike woke up with a start and fell off the bed, landing loudly on an old and *almost* empty pizza box.   
  
Clem: Hum... Sorry for the pizza.   
  
Spike: Never mind.  
  
Clem: Hey! It's you!  
  
Spike: Looks like it.  
  
Clem: You're back.  
  
While Spike was rubbing his clothes, Clem put some order in the room.  
  
Clem: I knew you'd come back!  
  
Spike: That's what I see...  
  
The floor was covered with pizza boxes and empty crisps bags.   
  
Clem: Hum... I kept your place. A lot of demons came to take it, but I was keeping an eye on it! (a pause -Spike was clearly not interested by his prattle) So... How do you feel?  
  
Spike: Heavy.  
  
Clem: Oh. May I know why?  
  
Spike (whispering): Can you just keep your mouth closed...?  
  
Clem: Yeah! I mean... Hmm.  
  
Clem tried not to speak. But obviously every thing Spike lifted or just looked at deserved a detailed historic. Finally Spike sat down, and Clem came next to him. Even if he had had the mouth sewed, Clem would have told him what his life had been since he left, thought Spike. At least, this would change his mind.  
  
After a moment...  
  
Spike: That's all?  
  
Clem: I told you everything you missed.   
  
Spike: A terrible and powerful angry Wiccan stopped by the love attitude of Harris? Great...  
  
Clem: You don't seem to be the same. Did you get the chip off?  
  
Spike: I'm not the same, that's for sure. And I don't have any idea whether this bloody chip is still in my head or not. Actually, I don't even care.  
  
Clem: What are you going to do?  
  
Spike: The only thing I never did in my whole life. I mean, un-life. Apologize.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
At the Summers' house, a few hours later, soon before dawn...  
  
Spike was on the doorstep, ready to knock, but froze when he heard laughs coming from inside. Buffy was in the living room, he could have felt her presence if he had wanted to. But instead he just took a quick look inside trough the window. The Summers sisters were sitting on the couch, while Xander was telling them a joke.  
  
Spike backed off a moment. But at his first step on the street he felt this stifling feeling, a feeling he was beginning to be familiar with. It felt as if something would kill him if he didn't apologize immediately. He walked back to the door, and right when he was about to knock it opened.  
  
Xander: Hey, goodnight ladies, or should I say, good morning! And don't forget to...   
  
His voice trailed off when he turned round and saw Spike, standing right in front of him and looking as startled as he was.  
  
Buffy and Dawn saw him too, as they were standing right behind Xander. Buffy couldn't say a word but she opened her mouth and closed it repeatedly as if she was trying to.  
  
Xander: What are you doing here? Forgot to rape the little sister?  
  
Buffy: Xander!!!  
  
She looked at her friend, outraged. Xander immediately regretted saying what he had just said. Not for saying it, but for saying it in front of Dawn. He sighed.  
  
Xander: I had hoped you would have left this town and *never* come back.  
  
Spike was looking at Buffy desperately, but she was staring fixedly at the ground. Spike tried to step in but Xander gave him a punch that sent him down the porch's stairs. Dawn and Buffy immediately got back into the house.  
  
Xander: She should have killed you when she had the chance.  
  
Spike was on the ground, but didn't even try to stand up. Xander kicked him, then caught him and pinned him roughly to a tree.  
  
Xander: Buffy didn't, but *I* will kill you.  
  
Spike: Yeah. I heard you saved the world. Congratulations.  
  
Xander released him, looking disappointed.   
  
Spike: Easier to kill someone when he wants to kill you too, right?  
  
Xander (sighing): What the hell are you doing here?  
  
Spike: I... I just wanted to talk to...  
  
Xander: No! You won't talk to Buffy and you won't see her either. You're not even allowed to breath the same air than...  
  
Spike: Hey. I'm still dead. I don't breath, remember?  
  
Xander (determined): Do you think you will disconcert me that easily?   
  
Spike: Look, I'm sorry for the magic shop and for Tara. She was fine. She always treated me decently.  
  
Xander: Now you disconcert me.  
  
Spike: Is Anya still in town?  
  
Xander punched him once more.  
  
Xander: This time I *will* kill you!  
  
Spike: Go ahead.  
  
Xander (hesitating): Is that what you're waiting for? You came here to be killed?  
  
Spike (snorting): Maybe it's the best thing to do.  
  
Xander: No. The best would be to let your chip melt and shake your sick brain.  
  
Spike: But the chip didn't work with Buffy...  
  
Spike saw Dawn at the window for one second before Buffy pulled her back.   
  
Spike: I really wanted to... When I left Sunnydale.  
  
Xander: You really wanted to what?  
  
Spike: Kill you.   
  
Xander (exasperated): And what? You changed your plans? Thought you might have a coffee with Buffy? (looking disgusted) It will never happen again. Do you understand? Never. Is that a word you know?  
  
They both heard the sound of the door. When Buffy stepped out, Xander immediately walked to her.  
  
Xander: Buffy, it's ok. I can take care of him.  
  
Buffy: Thanks Xander. But I have to face it myself.  
  
They both walked towards him, shortly followed by Dawn who sneaked out of the house despite Buffy's order to stay inside.  
  
Buffy: So you're back?  
  
Spike : Yeah. I wanted to talk to you.  
  
Buffy: Why? Is that one of your new plans to get rid of the Slayer?  
  
Spike: I don't want to talk to the Slayer but to Buffy. (pause) I... (tears were welling up in his eyes) I want to... (he swallowed hard) I'm sorry Buffy. For everything that I've done and all the pain you've been through because of me. I'm really...  
  
Buffy (indifferent): So that's it? You disappear for months and you come back just to give us the big regret refrain? Didn't get the chip off, did you?  
  
Dawn seemed to be afraid of the answer. Spike looked at her and said:  
  
Spike: I didn't.  
  
Dawn: What do you really want?   
  
Spike: Dawn I...  
  
Dawn (interrupting him): DON'T. Don't say my name. You're...   
  
Buffy: Xander. Bring her back.  
  
Xander took Dawn by her shoulders. She had tears in her eyes but her look was awfully dark. As she and Xander were going back in, Spike screamed.  
  
Spike: I APOLOGIZE!! (he began to cry) I swear it's true...   
  
He let himself sink down on his knees next to the tree. Buffy turned around to look at Dawn and Xander. They were on the doorstep, Dawn looking at Spike.  
  
Dawn: He is so weird. Look at his hair... The roots are showing, and his face is so white and thin... I mean, more than usual... As if...  
  
Xander (realizing): As if he hadn't eaten anything for a while...  
  
Buffy (speaking slowly and with a determined look): One last time. What do you want? Money? Blood? You won't get that here. Go away.  
  
Spike: I don't want anything from you. I just wanted to tell you... To tell all of you that I'm really sorry for what I've done.  
  
Dawn (calling): Buffy, he seems to...  
  
Buffy (getting irritated): What is that? A new game?  
  
Xander looked at the skyline. The sun should rise in a few minutes...  
  
Xander: Buffy. Let him go, the sun is rising.  
  
Buffy made a few steps towards her house before turning around. Spike hadn't moved, and was still on his knees near the tree.  
  
Buffy: Go away.  
  
Spike: I can't.  
  
Buffy: But you will.  
  
Spike: You don't understand. I have to apologize!  
  
Buffy: What is that? The second step of your treatment for hurting addiction?  
  
Spike: My chip won't work anymore.  
  
Dawn and Xander were approaching as the sun was rising, while Spike was still crying on the grass.  
  
Xander: What have you done? You tried to get your chip off to kill us? But it failed?  
  
Spike: I had what I wanted to. I got exactly what I asked for.  
  
Spike rose his face and looked defiantly at Buffy. His eyes were wet. At the same time, the sunrays were shining down on the beginning of the garden.  
  
Spike: A soul.  
  
Buffy just realized what he had said when the sunrays hit him. In one second he burnt to ashes. The three of them stayed there for a while, watching the dust being blown away by the wind.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
Somewhere, a man shook his head and looked at his watch. The hour and minute hands began to turn backwards until...  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
**DAY2.**  
  
Clem: SPIKE!!!! IT'S YOU!!!  
  
Surprised, Spike woke up with a start and fell off the bed, landing loudly on an old and almost empty pizza box.   
  
Clem: Hum... Sorry for the pizza.   
  
Spike: What?  
  
Clem: You know, I kept the place, a lot of demons wanted to...  
  
Spike (not listening to Clem): A nightmare. It was just a nightmare...  
  
Clem: What, you had a nightmare?  
  
Spike quickly got up and rubbed his clothes.  
  
Spike: I knew this thing about Red going all crazy and trying to end the world because of Tara's death couldn't be true.  
  
Clem: Oh, so you heard about it. Is that why you're back? But that doesn't matter. Because you're back!!!  
  
Spike: I'm... (then realizing) What? The whole end of the world thing really happened?  
  
Clem began to clean up the room a bit while explaining everything Spike had missed over the summer. A coincidence, Spike thought, a mere coincidence... He suddenly noticed Clem staring at him strangely.  
  
Spike: What?  
  
Clem: You don't seem to be different. Did you get the chip off?  
  
Spike: I... No. But I'm not sure whether it still works or not. And actually, I don't even care.  
  
Spike mentally repeated his last words. Hadn't he already said that before?  
  
Clem: So, what are you going to do?  
  
Spike: I guess I have some apologies to offer...  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
Spike paused in front of the Summers house. It hadn't changed a single bit since the last time he came. He suddenly thought about his nightmare. He wouldn't be that pathetic. Or would he?  
  
About to knock on the door, he stopped when he heard laughs coming from inside. A feeling of déjà vu overwhelmed him as he saw both Buffy and Dawn sitting on the couch in the living room, and Xander standing in front of them and telling them a joke. The thought that maybe coming there wasn't such a good idea crossed his mind. He shook his head. No. He couldn't get away with that, he just had to do it.  
  
Right when he eventually made up his mind, the door opened.  
  
Xander: Hey, good night ladies, or should I say, good morning! And don't forget to...  
  
His voice trailed off when he turned round and saw Spike, standing right in front of him and looking almost as startled as he was. Buffy and Dawn were standing behind Xander, and were gaping at the sight of the vampire.  
  
Xander: What are you doing here? Forgot to rape the little sister?  
  
Buffy: Xander!!!  
  
Buffy looked at her friend, outraged. Spike was beginning to be unusually disconcerted by the whole situation.  
  
Xander: I had hoped you would have left this town and *never* come back.  
  
Spike: Look, I'm...  
  
Xander didn't let him finish and punched him square on the jaw, sending him down the porch's stairs. When he looked up, Spike saw the two sisters walking back in, and Xander rushing toward him angrily.  
  
Xander: She should have killed you when she had the chance.  
  
Unconsciously anticipating Xander's actions, Spike quickly stood up to prevent him from kicking him.  
  
Spike: Harris, don't...  
  
Xander punched him again, before catching him and pinning him roughly to a tree.  
  
Xander: Don't what? Buffy didn't, but *I* will kill you.  
  
Spike: I heard you did great during my absence, stopping Willow from ending the world and all. I heard about Tara too, and I'm sorry about what happened to her, it's truly horrible.  
  
Xander eventually realeased him, looking slightly surprised.  
  
Xander: What the hell are you doing here?  
  
Spike: I just want to talk to Buffy. (seeing Xander about to protest) I know you don't want me to talk to her, or just to see her. And you're right, I probably don't deserve that. But I need to talk to her.  
  
Xander (snorting): You...  
  
They both heard the sound of the door. When Buffy stepped out, Xander immediately walked to her.  
  
Xander: Buffy, it's ok, I can take care of him.  
  
Buffy: Thanks Xander. But I have to face it myself.  
  
Spike shivered at those words from his position near the tree. This was so totally weird. Could he have had some kind of prescient dream? Could it have happened because of his "new" soul?  
  
Meanwhile, Buffy and Xander had walked towards him, shortly followed by Dawn.  
  
Buffy: So you're back?  
  
Spike: Yeah. We have to talk.  
  
Buffy: Why? Talking has never been our strong point, don't you remember? Or is that one of your new plans to get rid of the Slayer?  
  
Spike: I don't want to talk to the S-...  
  
Spike brutally broke off, mentally ending the sentence he had been about to say. Bloody hell. Could this get any weirder?  
  
Buffy (impatient): I guess you left to get the chip removed, didn't you?  
  
Dawn seemed to be afraid of the answer. Again, Spike thought.  
  
Spike: I didn't. Last I heard, the chip was still there. But we can check. (then looking at Xander with a smirk) I know a great way to check...  
  
Dawn: What do you really want?  
  
Spike: Dawn I...  
  
Dawn (interrupting him): DON'T. Don't say my name. You're...  
  
Buffy: Xander. Bring her back.  
  
While Xander was taking Dawn by her shoulders, Spike couldn't help but think it was the second time he was making this error. No, it was the first time, it had to be, it was his first day back to Sunnydale, right? The complete confusion he was in made him even forget the strong emotion of the moment; the Nibblet crying, Buffy looking angrily at him, his contradictory feelings and his urge to apologize... Would anything happen exactly like in his dream?  
  
He looked up, and suddenly realized that the sun would rise in a few minutes. That was also when he remembered it hadn't been a dream, but a nightmare.  
  
Buffy (slowly and determined): One last time. What do you want? Money? Blood? You...  
  
Spike (interrupting): None of the above. Look, we don't have much time, the sun will rise soon, and there are some things I need to tell you, so please let me speak. I want to apologize. For... almost everything I've done around here. For all the trouble and pain I put you in. And I'm not talking only about last year's, even if some things I've done then might have been the worst. I didn't leave Sunnydale to get the chip removed. I wanted... something else. Something that would redeem me in your eyes. Something that would make me worthy of you. And I got it. I got exactly what I wanted. I got a soul.  
  
Buffy stared at Spike blankly for a few seconds. She eventually said coldly:  
  
Buffy: Oh. I see. You know, this might be one of your worst plans ever. Pretending to have a brand new soul and then go all "Hey, look! I have a soul! I'm like Angel now, so I can be your vampire lover again!"  
  
Spike: What? No, it's true! I DO have a soul!  
  
Buffy (sighing): Go away, Spike.  
  
Buffy turned on her heel and walked away, leaving Spike beside the tree, watching her back and completely puzzled. He was not like the bloody Poofter. Well, ok, he was a vampire and now he had a soul as well. And he had been brooding for a while too, but it was over now, well, almost over. He was *not* like Angel!  
  
The sunrays hit him at that moment, while Buffy had joined Xander and Dawn on the doorstep.  
  
************  
  
A/N: Here we are guys...   
This is just the beginning. We needed some settling before Spike understood that something was wrong, so now he has...  
The next chapter should be up soon.  
Anyway, just let us know what you think of this story so far!  
  



	2. So close...

**DAY 3.**  
  
Clem: SPIKE! IT'S YOU!!  
  
Clem's voice echoed in Spike's ears as he land loudly on an old and almost pizza box.  
  
Clem: Sorry for the pizza.  
  
Spike quickly stood up.  
  
Spike: I know.  
  
Clem: Sorry for the mess too. You know, a lot of...  
  
Spike: Clem?  
  
Clem: Yes?  
  
Spike: Let me guess. A lot of demons came to take the crypt, but you kept an eye on it, right?  
  
Clem: Yeah! And I...  
  
Spike: And while I was away, Tara got killed by one of those stupid geeks, Willow turned Evil Witch Willow and tried to provoke an apocalypse all on her own, but was stopped by Harris?  
  
Clem: Yeah! Exactly! How do you know that? Have you been back for longer than a day?  
  
Spike (sighing): No... Clem, could you stay silent for a few minutes?  
  
Clem: Of course! I'm so glad you're back, and... Sorry.  
  
Spike sat on his bed and tried to concentrate despite the heaviness of the soul. It had been so hard to think straight since he had had this thing back... Always spoiling his thoughts... Anyway, it seemed he was whether stuck in his nightmare or living the same day over and over.  
  
Clem: Hmm, Spike? You don't seem to be different. Did you get the chip off?  
  
Spike sighed and quickly got up.  
  
Clem: Where are you going?  
  
Spike: I have a couple of things to do. In the meantime, will you keep an eye on the crypt for me? You did great already. That was good job Clem.  
  
Clem watched the vampire walking out of the crypt and smiled.  
  
Clem: Thanks!  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
On Revello Drive, Spike was hiding in the shadows, a few hundred yards from Buffy's house, waiting. It should be soon now. Yeah, he thought as he saw Xander walking out of the house and waving goodbye. The Scooby walked to his car parked on the street, and left.  
  
Spike smiled and walked to the porch. He hadn't a clue what was going on and why that was happening, but it seemed to help. On the doorstep, he hesitated a second, took a deep breath, and knocked. After a few seconds, the door opened and Buffy appeared in the doorframe.  
  
Buffy: Hey, what did you forget this time?  
  
As she finally saw Spike, Buffy suddenly couldn't say a single word any more, but she opened her mouth and closed it repeatedly as if she was trying to.  
  
Spike: Let me explain.  
  
Dawn (from the living room): Hey Xander? Still here?  
  
Buffy turned her head to answer Dawn, but the girl was already coming and she saw the vampire before Buffy did anything. Dawn stayed motionless.  
  
Spike: I just want to talk. Look, I don't have much time, the sun is rising and...  
  
Buffy: And what? You thought we would have a cuppa and a nice talk?  
  
Dawn (softly): Spike?  
  
Spike: I know I hurt you. Both of you. I hurt you badly.   
  
Buffy: What is that? You're making a list?   
  
Spike: I want to apologize.  
  
Buffy: Great. It's done. Bye.  
  
Buffy started to close the door, and Spike immediately put his hand to stop it. Suddenly he realized that he had one foot in the house.  
  
Spike: You didn't ... I can still enter?  
  
Buffy didn't answer. Instead, she stared at the floor, thinking of Tara and Willow. Meanwhile, Dawn made a step toward the door.  
  
Dawn: Tara is...  
  
Spike: I know. About Willow too. I'm sorry for both of them. Tara was someone really nice. (he paused, and turned his head to see the sun beginning to rise) Can I come in?  
  
Buffy backed off, Dawn stayed in the way so that Spike can still no enter.  
  
Spike: It's urgent. I already burnt to ashes twice, it's getting rather boring...  
  
Buffy: You can't come in. Take that and go.  
  
As soon as Buffy was back at the door, she threw a blanket at Spike. He looked with surprise at the sisters as they closed the door.  
  
Spike (sighing): Getting better and better!  
  
Spike put the blanket on him and started to run in the street.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
Meanwhile, in the house...  
  
Dawn: He seems to be different. His face was livid...  
  
Buffy: He's a vampire Dawn. He died more than a hundred years ago.  
  
Dawn: You know what I mean. He looks like he hasn't eaten anything for the last two months.  
  
Buffy: You're right. But it didn't change anything. He should have stayed away. Dawn, we can't trust him, he's not like Angel, he didn't got a soul... I know you never liked Angel, and you did like Spike... But whatever he does or says, he'll always be an evil soulless thing, and a threat for you and for everyone.  
  
Buffy and Dawn went silently to their rooms, but didn't slept all night, or what was left of it. They couldn't help wondering why Spike had suddenly decided to show up, after being reported missing for months.  
  
Dawn was in her bed, but couldn't manage to have any sleep because of daylight. Finally, she got up, checked that Buffy was asleep and sneaked out.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
A few minutes later in Spike's crypt... Dawn came in and saw Clem cleaning the place.  
  
Clem: Hey!  
  
Dawn (hesitating): Hey. (she mechanically began to help him)  
  
Clem: You're looking for Spike?  
  
Dawn: Not really. (beat) You saw him?  
  
Clem: Yeah. That's why I'm cleaning.  
  
Dawn: Isn't he different?  
  
Clem: Clearly.   
  
Dawn: Did he get his chip off?  
  
Clem: I don't know.  
  
Dawn: So what's going on? He seems so...  
  
Clem: Dead?  
  
Dawn: Yeah.  
  
Clem: When he left he said he had things to do.  
  
Dawn: He came to talk with me and Buffy.  
  
Clem: Hmm... Want a soda?  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
At Buffy's house...  
  
When Buffy heard the noise of the door, she immediately get up and took a stake in case Spike had come back. But when she walked downstairs she saw Xander. She discreetly hid the stake behind a vase.  
  
Buffy: Xander? Are you ok?  
  
Xander: No... Right after I left the house...  
  
Buffy immediately thought that Xander had seen Spike coming at the house. She followed him in the living room, and they sat down on the couch. Buffy was in front of him, but Xander was staring at the floor.  
  
Buffy: It's nothing Xander.  
  
Xander: Nothing? No. It's my fault.  
  
Buffy (embarrassed): Xander, you didn't...  
  
Xander (interrupting her): I did. I let her go.  
  
Buffy (understanding): Oh. Anya.  
  
Xander: I should have told her that I loved her... But she left and every time I walk alone I think about her... (he stood up and began to walk nervously in circles) You know the worst? Even if I managed to see her, she would never believe me. I know she can't forgive me for what I have done... But I wish I could talk to her once more...  
  
Buffy: Xander...  
  
Xander (he sat down next Buffy): I know, I know... I'm acting as if I was fine... We spent a good time laughing tonight but when I went out, I felt suddenly alone...  
  
They both embarrassedly stared at the floor.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
Later, inside a demon bar...  
  
Spike was having a drink in a corner. Humans and demons who were there seemed to avoid him.  
  
Spike (muttering): Is that it? Having a soul? Being kind with people? Huh! She didn't even listen a word of what I had to say! I know she wouldn't forgive me for what I did... But at least she could have listened... (he sipped his drink)  
  
A demon approached Spike.  
  
Demon: What are you doing? Socializing with your glass? (the demon turned around and laughed with the other clients) You don't have your place here Spike. Go away.  
  
Spike: Where? Remember that vampires plus sun makes dust?  
  
Demon (evil smile): Yeah.  
  
Spike: Ok. That's great! Everyone wants to see me dead... You know what? I already died twice today. (he stood up). I'm stuck in this beautiful shinny day... Maybe I should try decapitation. Hey! Do you want to stake me? (the demon backed off as Spike walked towards him) Hmm...  
  
Not in the mood of getting in a bar fight – he thought bitterly that he might be the next today – Spike took the blanket and put it on his head. The demon sighed as Spike get out the bar.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
In the street, a few hours later... Buffy and Dawn were walking side by side.  
  
Buffy: You shouldn't have been to the crypt, it could have been...  
  
Dawn (interrupted her): Dangerous, I know. But you noticed it yourself! Spike is different now! Something has changed and you'd better find what as soon as possible!  
  
Buffy: Yeah...  
  
Dawn: Are you listening to me?  
  
Buffy: Oh... Sorry, I was thinking about what Xander had told me...  
  
Dawn: He's still sad about Anya.  
  
Buffy: He can't forget her so quickly. It's hard...  
  
Dawn: I know.  
  
The sisters walked silently for a moment. Buffy stopped, looking as if she had taken a decision.  
  
Buffy: You're right Dawn. We have to know what's going on with Spike. I'll figure this out. Go back home and keep on eye on Xander. Don't tell him anything, he's sad enough like that.  
  
Dawn: Buffy. Be careful...  
  
Buffy: Don't worry.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
In the demon bar where Spike had previously been, at night...  
  
Buffy stepped in and nobody noticed her. She walked through the clients and noticed three demons talking.  
  
Demon: I swear! He became as mad as his ex! He said he had been killed twice today!  
  
Demon 2: I heard he came back without the chip and that he wanted to kill everyone in town!  
  
Demon 3: C'mon! He looked as soft as a kitten! Did he hurt you? Did he say anything hurting?   
  
Demon (looking somewhat disappointed): No.  
  
Demon 3: *I* heard he got a soul...  
  
Demon 2: Spike? A soul? Ahaha! No! Just picture that: the big comeback of the bloody poet! Please, no!  
  
Demon 3: Poet?  
  
Demon 2: Yeah. I met him once when he was still a human, he was so pathetic... The worst human I ever saw, I still wonder why they turned him! He can't have his soul back!  
  
Demon 3: Why not?  
  
Demon: Why would he want it back?  
  
Demon 3: Everyone knows he slept with the Slayer! He may want to deserve her...  
  
Demon 2: You're too romantic! Forget this trip! (beat) Have you seen the game yesterday?  
  
Demon: Yeah! How can the referee let the -...  
  
Buffy slowly got out the bar. She didn't know exactly how much she could rely on demon gossip, but she was disappointed. And she had only one last thing to do if she didn't want this case to ruin her reputation.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
In Spike's crypt, near the end of the night.  
  
Buffy entered the crypt. She had thought it would be easy, but this place reminded her some past memories so much. She went downstairs and saw Spike leaning against a wall. He didn't make a move when he saw her, while his face was completely motionless. She carefully approached him.  
  
Buffy: So? What's going on?  
  
As Spike didn't answer, she got closer.  
  
Buffy: I said, 'What's going on?'... You lost your tongue?  
  
Spike: I only lost my freedom.  
  
Buffy: Oh! Because you were free with the chip? Hey. Wait a minute... You managed to get the chip off? (she took a stake out).  
  
Spike: No. And if you stake me, everything will start again...  
  
Buffy: What will start again?  
  
Spike: This day...  
  
Buffy: So the drunks were right... You think you've been killed twice today, don't you?  
  
Spike(sighed): Yes. In fact, I died the first and the second time. But as it was the same day, I died twice today. And I -... Hey, wait, no. I don't *think* I died twice today, I *did* die twice!  
  
Buffy: Have you tried to open your brain to get the chip off? That could explain this.  
  
Spike (looking at her): I don't even know if this damned chip is still in my head! And I don't care at all...  
  
Buffy: You're in progress. Does that mean you're not going to kill humans?  
  
Spike (stood up suddenly and turned his back to Buffy): Will you please stop that! It's hard enough! Don't talk to me as if I was...  
  
Buffy: What? A bloodthirsty killer?   
  
Spike: When I said I apologized this morning, it was the truth. (he turned to face her) Can't you hear that my words are coming from my heart? Maybe it hasn't beaten for a hundred years, but it is about to explode... Just to be here... (he gestured toward his chest) I'm trying to tell you something but you won't listen. You only hear what you want to.  
  
Buffy: And what should I be listening to? Your complaint? Poor little Spike... Maybe I'd be understanding? That's your plan?  
  
Spike: I didn't have any plan. I don't want you to forgive me. I know you wouldn't. I just want to talk to you.  
  
Buffy suddenly remembered Xander's words about Anya.  
  
Spike: I wanted you to understand that I'm really sorry about what I've done to you, to Dawn... Even to Harris! And I know you won't forgive me, I know you won't be sympathizing or anything with me...  
  
Buffy stared at his eyes, he felt hopeful when she made a step toward him. She didn't stop looking in his eyes.   
  
Buffy: You've changed.  
  
Spike: I told you. A man can change...  
  
Buffy: But it doesn't change what you've done.  
  
Spike: I know. But that's only the first step... That's the first time I wanted to apologize since I got turned... (he sighed) I just didn't know how to do...  
  
Slowly, Buffy lifted her hand up to his face. Spike wanted to say something but he didn't managed to. As her hand was about to touch his cheek, Buffy muttered:  
  
Buffy: You have a soul?  
  
Spike: Yeah. And I sought one for you, love.  
  
Buffy's hand touched is cheek and...  
  
The hands of a watch began to turn backwards...  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
**DAY 4.**  
  
Clem: SPIKE! IT'S YOU!!  
  
Either Buffy's hand had the texture of pizza, or his cheek was really resting in the same old pizza box again, Spike thought.  
  
Clem: I'm sorry for the...  
  
Spike (standing up slowly): BLOODY HELL! WHAT'S WRONG WITH TODAY????  
  
Clem : I'm really sorry for the pizza box...  
  
Spike (looked at Clem with sadness): I was about to have it...  
  
Clem: What?  
  
Spike: My redemption...  
  
Clem: You had a dream?  
  
Spike: She was about to understand what I felt... All the pain...   
  
Clem: Oh. A nightmare then.  
  
Spike: Ok... Let's take it another way.  
  
Clem: Er, Spike?  
  
Spike: What?  
  
Clem: Where are you going? The sun will rise in an hour or so.  
  
Spike: I have made a new choice...  
  
Spike grabbed his coat and stormed out.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
In Xander's building, in the morning...  
  
Spike was walking in the corridor and stopped in front of Xander's door, and knocked. Xander opened the door; he was already brooding, but when he saw Spike his features hardened. Xander sighed but stayed on the doorstep, as he knew Spike couldn't come in.  
  
Xander (coldly): I thought you were gone.  
  
Spike: I was.  
  
Xander: And what do you want?  
  
Spike: Talk.  
  
Xander: Well... We just did!  
  
Spike: Hey, no! Wait! I... I heard what you did with Willow and what happened to Tara and... Look, I'm sorry.  
  
Xander (disappointed): Let me ask it again. *What* do you want?  
  
Spike: I'm trying to live through today.  
  
Xander backed off in his flat, without inviting Spike in.   
  
Spike: Hey!  
  
Xander: You wanted to speak, no? You did. End of story.  
  
Spike: I had imagined that someone would actually listen.  
  
Xander (going back to the doorstep): And you thought 'hey! Xander is the perfect one to talk with!' Have I a psychoanalyst face? I don't like you. You don't like me. Go bug someone who's likely to listen to you. (he paused as a thought crossed his mind) Hey, wait. Did you get the chip off?   
  
Spike: That's none of your bloody business.  
  
Xander's eyes narrowed, as he was trying to make it out himself.  
  
Xander: So you did. You know, I always knew keeping ready-for-use stakes near the front door could be handy some day.  
  
Saying that, he grabbed one of the said stakes.  
  
Spike (laughing bitterly): Oh, yeah, great idea. Stake me. In fact, you would do me a favor. Coming here was a bad idea. I should as well start today all over again.  
  
Spike stood in front of him cockily, opening his arms wide as an invitation to stake him and closing his eyes.  
  
Spike: Come on, Harris. Hit.  
  
Xander raised an eyebrow, puzzled by the vampire's weird attitude, before slightly smiling sadistically. Without notice, he took a step forward and punched his visitor square in the jaw, obviously enjoying it. Enraged, Spike opened his eyes and lunged at Xander as the Scooby stepped back, but growled in frustration when he was stopped at the doorstep by an invisible force field.  
  
Spike (furiously): Take a step outside, if you're a man!  
  
Xander: Didn't you want me to hit you? Besides, I don't need to prove anything.  
  
Spike: Oh, really? Punching someone that can't hit you back? Leaving your bride at the altar with no other explanation that "I'm sorry, but I can't"? Like hell you –  
  
Xander punched Spike again, before catching him by the collar and pinning him roughly to the opposite wall, the stake pointing menacingly at the vampire's unbeating heart.  
  
Xander (angrily): You'd better take that back before I stake you.  
  
Spike looked down, and smiled when he saw where Xander was standing. Outside.  
  
Spike (playfully): Ooooh, looks like the birdie is finally out of its cage...  
  
Xander slammed him once more against the wall.  
  
Xander: TAKE. IT. BACK!  
  
Spike: Take back what? It's nothing but the truth, you know that. You left her. Bad move, period.   
  
Xander slowly released him and quietly walked back in, slightly surprised that Spike stayed still and didn't take the opportunity to attack him.  
  
Xander: Go away.  
  
Spike (sighing): When exactly did you become so sensitive?  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
An hour or so later ...  
  
Xander and Spike were sitting on the floor, respectively in and out of the flat at the doorstep.  
  
Xander: So, now she's gone and I couldn't tell her a single word of what I'm feeling...  
  
Spike: I know perfectly that!  
  
Xander stood up and went to the kitchen while Spike was talking.  
  
Spike: What am I supposed to do? Knock at the door and say 'hello love! I got a soul for you!'  
  
Xander (from the kitchen): Did you try to apologize?  
  
Spike: That's what I kept doing. Didn't work much. Almost did once, but... Well... (shrugged)  
  
Xander (coming back from the kitchen): Want a piece of pizza?  
  
Spike : Er... (thinking about the would-be-pillow pizza box) No... Thanks. Not really in the mood for pizzas lately.  
  
Xander (taking a slice of pizza for himself): You know, since Anya went back to her old flat, I haven't talked to her once.  
  
Spike: Not once? Jeez... You should at least try.  
  
Xander: I know she wouldn't listen to me.  
  
Spike: I have the same problem. Women are so stubborn. But you know, you should try honesty, it should work, especially with Anya. Straightforwardness. Tell her what you have on the heart. She'll understand.  
  
Xander: You should do that too. Explain her everything you did for her. Quietly. Taking all the time you need.  
  
Spike: Yeah...  
  
Spike nodded. He was right. Time. That was all he needed to do what was required to make things right with Buffy. And in fact... he had all the time he wanted... To try different strategies, different speeches, find the very best way to explain what he was feeling for her...  
  
He smiled. He could make this day a perfect day. The best day in his whole life and unlife...  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
**DAY 5.**  
  
After his usual wake-up-the-head-in-a-pizza-box / listen-to-Clem-explain-things-he-already-knew morning, Spike had immediately headed for Buffy's house. And, once more, he had headed for the door, planning to knock.  
  
When the door suddenly opened in front of him, he just had the time to mumble to himself a vague "bloody hell" before Xander punched him square in the jaw.  
  
Xander: What are you doing here? Forgot to rape the little sister?  
  
Buffy: Xander!!!  
  
After the two Summers sisters walked back in, Spike looked at Xander as he was rushing toward him angrily.  
  
Xander: She should have killed you when she had the chance.  
  
Spike: I had forgotten you would be here this morning...  
  
Xander: What?  
  
Spike (sighing): Am I really the only one to notice that we've already been through this before? Don't you remember the talk we had yesterday? About me, Buffy, you and Anya?  
  
Xander punched him again, before catching him and pinning him roughly to a tree.  
  
Spike: Obviously you don't... Look, here is what we're going to do. The sun will rise soon, so you're going to release me, and then I'll go away. I won't bother you any more.  
  
Except that I will come back the next today, Spike thought.  
  
Xander (tightening his grip on Spike): Or maybe it would be funnier to keep you here and watch you die under the sunrays...  
  
Spike (gesturing towards the house): With Dawn watching? I don't think so.  
  
Xander turned his head and saw both Buffy and Dawn on the doorstep. He eyed Spike resentfully once more before releasing him as the vampire had suggested.  
  
Xander: If I ever see you again around here, I won't hesitate to kill you.  
  
**********  
  
_I'm sure you're all impatients to see Spike's different techniques at wooing Buffy...  
Oh, and stay tuned, cause Spike's old big bad self might make a cameo in chapter 4 (so the one after the next...)  
Chapter 3 is under editing process, and should be up within a week ;-)  
_


	3. Strategies

**DAY 6.**  
  
Once again, Spike was hiding a few yards away from Buffy's house on Revello Drive, and waited until Xander drove away. He waited some more time, and then walked to the door. He confidently turned the knob; as always, it wasn't locked. He pushed the door and walked inside, looking around: the house was silent. They were probably already gone to bed.  
  
Spike stepped further in, but suddenly froze when he heard light footsteps coming from the staircase. Before he could realize what was going on, he saw Dawn, skipping the last stair, moving slowly as if she was sneaking out of the house, and then noticing his presence and looking up at him in disbelief.  
  
Dawn (whispering): Spike?  
  
Spike: Hey Nibblet.  
  
Dawn: W- What… How?  
  
Spike decided to play his old cocky self in front of her.  
  
Spike: How what? Can't answer you if you don't ask your question properly, Bit.  
  
Dawn's face displayed a succession of contradictory feelings. First surprise. Then anger. Then confusion. Then sadness. And now hesitation.  
  
Dawn: I… I was going to the crypt…  
  
Spike frowned. How could she have known? Had she seen him hiding in the street? Dawn guessed his thoughts.  
  
Dawn: Oh, no, I didn't know you were back, I just… Just went there sometimes, to check and… You know, in case you… Well, I know Clem keeps an eye on the place but…  
  
Her voice trailed off. During months, she had planned what she would tell him would he ever dare come back. Word for word, she had listed everything she wanted him to know. How much she had trusted him for so long. How disappointed and angry she had felt when she had learnt that he had tried to rape her sister. How she didn't know if she would ever be able to forgive him and trust him again.  
  
And now, now that he was in front of her, that Buffy was not around to prevent her from saying or doing anything, she couldn't remember a single word. And instead of the great speech that she had prepared, she was telling him foolish things about Clem and the crypt.  
  
Spike: Does Buffy know?  
  
Dawn: Huh?  
  
Spike: That you sneak out of the house regularly to go to the cemetery.  
  
Dawn: Of course not! She would freak out!  
  
They both instinctively looked up to the ceiling when they heard footsteps on the floor above, and then in the staircase.  
  
Buffy: Dawn, who are you talking to? Is Xander ba-…  
  
Buffy froze when she stepped down the last stair and saw both Dawn and Spike standing in the hall. Her lips parted several times as if she was trying to say something but couldn't. Finally, she managed to articulate a full sentence:  
  
Buffy (to Spike): What are you doing here?  
  
Spike: I…  
  
Buffy: How did you get in? Did Dawn let you in?  
  
Spike: Hey, quiet love. Which question should I answer first?  
  
Dawn: I didn't let him in, he was already in when I went downstairs…  
  
Buffy (to Spike again): Oh, so you're lurking again? When did you come back? And *why* the hell did you come back?  
  
Spike: Wow, calm down pet, give me at least enough time to answer one of those questions…  
  
Buffy: No, I don't want to know. Go away.  
  
Spike looked at the Slayer intently, wondering if she really meant it, but remained silent.  
  
Dawn: Buffy, you can't -  
  
Buffy pushed the vampire roughly back towards the door.  
  
Buffy: You've got nothing to do here. You heard me, go away. It's either that or I stake you. You know I will. Go away.  
  
He stared at her for a while. She seemed dead serious. He sighed.  
  
Spike: Look, I wasn't trying to be intrusive, but I know you wouldn't have let me in and I really need to have a talk with you. Now just let me talk. When I'm done, do whatever you wish. Stake me, throw me out, whatever. Just listen to what I have to say. I won't be long.  
  
Buffy looked at him hesitantly. He looked so pale, and so thin…  
  
Buffy: Dawn, go back to your room.  
  
Dawn: What? No way!!  
  
Buffy: Dawn…  
  
Dawn pouted, but eventually went upstairs, stomping loudly on each stair to show her annoyance, while Buffy and Spike headed towards the living room.  
  
Spike knew Dawn wasn't back in her room, but instead had sat on the last stair. He wasn't sure whether he knew it thanks to his keen vampire ears or thanks to his kind of babysitting experience of the previous summer. Buffy probably knew her little sister was listening to them as well, didn't she?  
  
Looking up to Buffy, he realized she was looking at him with suspicion.  
  
Spike: I've changed Buffy… (he sighed) Don't you notice anything?  
  
Buffy: New haircut? New clothes? Did you come to talk about shopping?  
  
Spike: No! I…   
  
Buffy: I won't listen to your gossip all the day! I don't even know why I'm listening to you! Go away!!  
  
Spike: But, I want to…  
  
Buffy: Already forgot what your last visit was for? And where it brought us?  
  
A sudden wave of guilt fell upon Spike at the memory.  
  
Spike: I know it -…  
  
Buffy (interrupting): I said. Go. Away.  
  
Spike: The sun is -  
  
Buffy: I don't care!  
  
She threw a blanket that was lying on the couch at the vampire, went to the door and opened it.  
  
Spike: Ok… See you tomorrow, pet.  
  
Buffy: Oh no! I won't open!  
  
Spike (confidently): You will.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
**DAY 7.**  
  
Buffy and Spike were standing in the living room exactly as the previous day, while Dawn was sitting on the last stair.  
  
Spike: I've changed Buffy. I wanted to apologize for all the pain I put you in, you, and Dawn, and … all the others -  
  
Buffy: Is that a way to make an apology? Maybe you want a wholesale price?  
  
Spike received the blanket in his face and heard the sound of the door being opened.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
**DAY 8.**  
  
The same old day…  
  
Spike: I've changed Buffy. I wanted to apologize for all the pain I put you in. I wanted to deserve you and…  
  
Buffy: Forget about that! We'll never sleep together again. We already talked about it. Never.  
  
Spike: I know, I'm not here for that. (he paused, and an involuntary smile appeared on his lips) But you liked what I did to you, huh?   
  
This time he was granted a bonus punch in the face before Buffy threw the blanket at him and opened the door.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
**DAY 9.**  
  
Spike: I've changed Buffy. I wanted to apologize for all the pain I put you in. When I left Sunnydale last summer, I wanted to change. And I did. I have a soul.  
  
Buffy (not taking him seriously): Oh? You're Angel's little boy, huh?  
  
Spike: Oh come on! I'm not like this poofter! I didn't get cursed with a soul, I actually asked for one! I don't have the nasty little clause that would take the soul away, so it's ok to have a good shag if you feel like -…  
  
Punch. Blanket. Door.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
**DAY 10.**  
  
Spike was now hesitating in front of Buffy. He should really try to learn from his errors, he thought… He tried a new approach.  
  
Spike: I've changed Buffy. I wanted to apologize for having hurt you. I know I'll never be like Angel, but -  
  
Buffy: *Angel* has a soul.  
  
Spike: As have I.  
  
Buffy (incredulous): No, you don't.  
  
Spike: C'mon! Don't be so narrow-minded! Even the Nibblet noticed I've changed!  
  
Buffy: Don't involve Dawn in that! She…   
  
They suddenly heard Dawn running downstairs, looking extremely angry.  
  
Buffy: Dawn? What are you doing here, you –  
  
Dawn (to Spike): Yeah! Don't involve me in this! Don't try to use me to get into my sister's pants again!  
  
As Spike turned back to see her, Dawn grabbed the blanket and threw it at him. The vampire instinctively began to make his way towards the door.  
  
Spike (muttering angrily): Bugger this!  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
**DAY 11.**  
  
Spike hesitated again in front of Buffy, and repeated the mental list he had so far. Don't upset her, don't talk about sex, don't mention Dawn… But do apologize. The day before, the beginning had actually sounded rather good… He decided to give it a try once more, even if he didn't like the idea of being compared to Angel.  
  
Spike: I've changed Buffy. I wanted to apologize for having hurt you. I know I'll never be like Angel, but -  
  
Buffy: *Angel* has a soul.  
  
Spike: As have I.  
  
Buffy (incredulous): No, you don't.  
  
Spike: I know you never fully trusted me before because I didn't have a soul… But now I have one.  
  
Buffy stared at him intently as she made a few steps towards him. He then heard the sound of the door being opened.   
  
Spike (moaning): Hey! It was working!  
  
Xander (peeking his head around the corner of the open door): Hey Buff, you -… What the hell is Spike doing here!?  
  
Buffy (to Spike): What was working?  
  
Spike: No… Errr…  
  
Xander came in and closed the door, while Buffy and Spike began to shout at each other. Xander grabbed a stake that was hidden near the entrance and rushed towards the vampire, but froze when he saw Dawn coming downstairs.  
  
Xander: You're not sleeping?  
  
Dawn: You neither.  
  
Xander: Yeah… I'm still thinking about Anya…  
  
Spike: When will it be clear? I. Have. A. Soul. Get it? And I want to apologize!  
  
Buffy: You're not acting like someone who has a soul!  
  
Spike: Of course not! This damned day is endless!  
  
Xander walked in the living room, picked up a blanket and threw it in Spike's face while Buffy was opening the door.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
**DAY 12.**  
  
Same room. Same day. Same players…  
  
Spike: Ok, briefly.  
  
Buffy: Please yes.  
  
Spike: I asked a demon to give me a soul. I suffered like hell but I passed all the trials. And now I'm still in torment to explain you I've changed.  
  
Buffy: A soul?   
  
As she said that, she began to laugh out loud. Spike also heard Dawn laughing upstairs.  
  
Spike: Ok. I know where the door is…  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

**DAY 13.**  
  
Clem: SPIKE! IT'S YOU!!  
  
Spike slightly lifted his head, only to see, to his greatest horror, the same old pizza box again. He silently got up, ignoring Clem swirling happily around him, probably telling him that he had kept an eye on the crypt while he was gone, and oh! Guess what? Tara got killed, Willow became addicted to dark magic and tried to end the world! No kidding!  
  
Slowly, he walked towards the opposite wall, and then methodically began to repetitively bang his head against the wall. Literally. Bang. Bang. Bang. Clem looked at him with concern.  
  
Clem: Hmm… Spike? Are you okay?  
  
Spike (gritting his teeth): I. *bang* Hate. *bang* Today. *bang*  
  
Clem: Is it because of the pizza? Well if it is, I'm sorry. And about the mess too.  
  
Spike abruptly stopped hitting his head, and instead tilted it somewhat to the left.  
  
Spike: You know, maybe I should just do nothing today. Maybe that's what this all means. Maybe the best thing I could do today is do absolutely *nothing*.  
  
Clem: What? Spike, are you really ok?  
  
Spike: Yeah, maybe that's it.  
  
The vampire made his way to the bed, and fell on it loudly, settling himself comfortably. He put his hands behind his neck, and closed his eyes.  
  
Spike: A quiet, comfy day doing nothing but sleep…  
  
**************  
_Here we are again! Spike is doing pretty bad, isn't he?  
Well, wait until you read the next chapter, he's doing even *worse*...  
And Old Big Bad Spike is featured in next chapter, so stay tuned!  
Be prepared for big drama time!  
_


	4. Depressing and unleashing the power

**DAY 14.**  
  
Clem: SPIKE! IT'S YOU!!  
  
Spike didn't dare open his eyes. He didn't need to do it to know where his face was resting. He could feel it. He could even *smell* it. And he could also tell the soul was still there, hammering like mad in his head.  
  
Clem: I'm sorry for the… Spike?  
  
Spike had gotten up and lifted a chair, and was now breaking one of its legs. Once it was done, he handed the piece of wood to his demon friend.  
  
Spike: Stake me.  
  
Clem: What?!?  
  
Spike: Please. Stake me.  
  
Clem: Spike, are you out of your mind? You just came back, and you're asking me to stake you? Is anything wrong?  
  
Spike: Don't ask. Just stake me.  
  
Clem looked at the broken chair's leg warily, but still didn't take it.  
  
Clem: Are you sure you don't want to talk about it first?  
  
Spike: Yes, I'm sure. Now stake me.  
  
Clem: Spike, you really should…  
  
Spike: Oh come on! Don't worry, I won't die. Well, I will at first, but I'll come back tomorrow. I mean, today.  
  
Clem was now looking at him as if he was a madman.  
  
Clem: Hmm… Have you been around Dru lately?  
  
Spike: I'm *not* crazy! First I get dusted twice by the sunrays, then whatever I do nothing turns out right… I keep living this bloody day!  
  
Clem: Right… Hum… Maybe you should get some sleep…  
  
Spike: I already tried that yesterday! (he forced the chair's leg in Clem's hands) Just. Stake. Me.  
  
Clem (putting the stake aside): I think you're really not in your right mind.  
  
Spike (ignoring him): You know, that might actually work. So far I haven't been staked yet. Just sunbathed too long. You don't want to stake me? No problem. I know a lot of people who're just waiting to kill me!  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
Somewhat later, Spike entered vociferously in the demon bar.  
  
Spike: Hello everybody! Hey! RatFace! Haven't seen ya in a while, huh?  
  
The demon immediately stood up and walked to Spike but stopped.  
  
Spike: What? Don't tell me you're afraid! Hey! It's me, your foe! I killed your brothers! C'mon bastard! Remember when I stole your –  
  
Spike's body was suddenly thrown to a wall.  
  
Spike (smiling): Good demon! But hey, I'd prefer the quick way. (gave a stake to the demon) Hurry up! I'm sick of being stuck in this day!  
  
As he said so, the demon took the stake and Spike returned to dust.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
**DAY 15:**  
  
A scream. A fall off the bed. A pizza box. Clem's gossip.  
  
Spike just stood up and walked away from the crypt, completely ignoring Clem's surprise and questions. He arrived in front of a church's door, smashed it down and entered in the church. He glanced everywhere and finally found what he was looking for: holy water. He sighed, took a glass, filled it with the liquid and swallowed it in one gulp, ignoring the unbearable pain slowly spreading to his whole body.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
**DAY 16:**  
  
This time, Spike was checking all the "how-to-kill-a-vampire" ways when Clem tried to stop him.  
  
Spike: Thanks Clem, I know what you've done. But, I'm… busy… and tired…  
  
Clem: So you'd better get some rest!  
  
Spike: No. There is one way left.  
  
Clem: One way for what?  
  
Spike was already out, walking to the train station. He lay down on the train rails and waited. Spike had been waiting for a while and was beginning to wonder if he'd have to wait until dawn, when he eventually heard the sound of the train coming. He adjusted his head on the rails and closed his eyes, until, unknown to him, the clock's hands backed off again.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
**DAY 17:**  
  
Spike experienced his usual pizza waking.  
  
Spike (growling): AAARRRRGGGG!!!!!  
  
Clem (softly): I'm really sorry for the-  
  
Spike: I KNOW!!  
  
Clem: Oh… (beat) Hum…  
  
Spike: SHUT UP! (suddenly feeling guilty)… I'm sorry Clem… I know all you did for me but… I've tried sun, stake, holy water, decapitation… Would you inject me a garlic concentrate?  
  
Clem: I don't know what you did after you left, but you don't need to do such things…  
  
Spike: I have to! What else can I do? Being forgiven is impossible, apologizing is almost infeasible and I don't manage to die! What can I do?  
  
Clem: Did you get the chip off?  
  
Spike: I don't ca-… (he paused) Hey! That's the point!   
  
He stared at Clem with his "Born to kill" look.  
  
Spike: I know a way to figure this out quickly… (evil grin)  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
Spike stepped again in front of the Summers' house, a huge grin on his face. Patiently, he waited for the door to open, ready for action.  
  
Xander: Hey, goodnight ladies, or should I say, good morning! And don't –  
  
Not letting Xander finish his sentence, Spike punched him wildly with most of his strength, probably breaking a nose in the process. And right after that, he smiled. He felt no pain. Absolutely nothing. Which could only mean one thing: no more chip… Spike rejoiced.  
  
Spike: God it feels soooo good!  
  
With that, he turned round and walked away, while Buffy and Dawn were helping Xander up.  
  
Buffy: Xander, what happened?  
  
Dawn: It's like I heard…  
  
As both of them took a peek outside, they saw the vampire hurrying away. Dawn finished:  
  
Dawn: … Spike talking…  
  
One look at Xander's bleeding nose and they all understood what had happened. Xander stood up, his hand below his nostrils in an attempt to stop the bleeding, while looking angrily outside.  
  
Xander: Looks like bleached boy got rid of the chip…  
  
Making his way towards the nearest manhole before the sun would rise, Spike smirked. This time he was going to have a hell of a good time… A sudden strong hand laying on his shoulder made him turn round, and before he could realize it the Slayer had punched him down, lowering a stake upon his heart.  
  
Spike skillfully blocked the attack by grabbing Buffy's wrist only inches from his chest, and with a quick kick in the stomach he sent her flying above his head and rolling behind him. In an instant, he was up again, ready to face the Slayer's next attack. The upset and determined look on her face wasn't lost on him. They began to circle around each other.  
  
Spike: Hey pet. Up for a good fight?  
  
Buffy (angrily): Got the chip out, did you?  
  
Spike: To be honest, no. Well, in fact yes, but that's not what I sought in the first place, even if it's a side effect I happen to appreciate.  
  
Buffy: I should have known that the chip was the only thing that prevented you from being evil.  
  
Spike: You're wrong. See, I tried to be better. I really tried. For so many bloody days. But it never turned out right, you always threw me out, like the outcast I've always been.  
  
Buffy frowned, but her grip on the stake was still tight.  
  
Buffy: So as soon as you had the chip out, you decided to come back to make our lives a hell again? How many people have you already killed?  
  
Spike smirked. With a quick look, he noticed the position of the soon to rise sun.  
  
Spike: I'd love to chat longer with you, love, but I really have a tight schedule.  
  
He lunged at Buffy, ducking to dodge the wooden stake, and in a quick blow he knocked her hard enough to make her fall back because of the sudden dizziness. With a satisfied smile, he looked over her laying body, until he heard Dawn and Xander running in their direction. He said under his breath:  
  
Spike: Don't worry Slayer. I'll come back to take care of you later today…  
  
He lifted the manhole cover and nimbly jumped down into the sewers he knew so well.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
Xander: Buffy, are you ok?  
  
Buffy quickly got up to her feet.  
  
Buffy: Yeah, I'm ok.  
  
Noticing that Spike was already gone, she glanced questioningly at her friend and her sister.  
  
Xander: He left to the sewers.  
  
Buffy: I'd better track him down before he kills anyone.  
  
Xander: I'll go with you.  
  
Buffy: No. You stay here with Dawn at home. I prefer to know both of you are safe in there. Now that he doesn't have the chip to stop him anymore, I'm the only one able to fight him effectively.  
  
Xander took Dawn by the shoulder and began to lead her back to the house, leaving Buffy alone in the street.  
  
Xander: Come on Dawn. We'd better be off.  
  
Dawn (sadly): Why is Spike acting that way?  
  
Xander: He's a vampire, Dawn. He's evil. No one should have ever forgotten that.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
Spike had left the sewers thanks to a manhole conveniently located in a narrow dark alley between two high buildings. So high that the sun probably never lighted up this area, Spike thought.  
  
He casually leant his back against a wall, and absentmindedly lit a cigarette. So the chip was out. And he probably now had the Slayer and her bloody Scoobies on his back, for all he cared.  
  
His keen vampire senses suddenly alerted him that someone was coming, and obeying to his predator's instincts, he hid in the darkness and observed a potential prey. Young female adult. Probably a tender flesh. Carrying a dust bag and putting it in the large bin that was merely yards from him… He could hear her blood flowing in her veins so clearly… And before he could realize it, his human face turned into his demon one, all fangs out and his eyes glowing yellow in anticipation.  
  
Feeding during the day wasn't exactly recommended, but it wasn't as if he could just wait for the night, living the same day over and all, and this alley was sun-proof anyway. Besides, he was determined to have as much fun as he could now he knew the chip was out, to make up for all those years of deprivation.   
  
Silently, he crawled behind the young woman while she was beginning to make her way towards the street. In a flash, he was on her, and he barely heard a scream escape her throat before he snapped her neck. Ah, the sweet sound of screams again… Now that the chip was out, he'd be able to hear plenty of them…  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
An hour or so after sundown, Buffy came back home to sum up the situation with Xander and Dawn.  
  
Dawn: Did you find him?  
  
Buffy: Nope… He couldn't leave the sewers before nightfall, so I looked for him there until then. But he knows the sewers way better than I do, and he probably knows where to hide. I've been to his crypt too, and Clem doesn't know where he is, he hasn't seen him since early this morning. After nightfall, I looked for him in the city center, but he could be anywhere now.  
  
Xander: What wouldn't we give for a location spell right now, uh?  
  
All three of them then thought silently about the two witches, one gone and one in England with Giles, until Buffy eventually broke the silence.  
  
Buffy: Yeah. But for the time being we'll have to find him on our own. I'll patrol all night if it's needed, but he'll be a big pile of dust before morning.  
  
Buffy suddenly saw her sister paling, staring through the window.  
  
Buffy: What's going on Dawn?  
  
She turned round to look at what could have caught her attention. Spike, in the middle of the street, snapping the neck of a walker and then feeding from him…  
  
Buffy: Wait for me here. I won't be long.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
On his way to pay the Slayer a new little visit, Spike smiled as he sank his teeth into his last prey's fresh skin. It felt so good to feed once more from human blood. Compared to pig's one it was like a four-star meal.  
  
Buffy: There you are.  
  
Spike looked up from the neck he was feeding from to see the Slayer standing in front of him, her hands on her hips and holding a stake. He slowly slid his fangs out of the flesh and tossed the corpse aside, wiping the trickle of blood that was dribbling down his chin with the back of his hand. He smirked.  
  
Spike: Hey, Slayer, have been looking for me? I told ya I'd be back for you later today.  
  
Buffy: Looks like you went way past your mooneyes state over the summer.  
  
Spike: In fact, only over the past few days. No matter what I do, you'll always reject me. That at least I understood.  
  
Buffy (bitterly): A while ago I thought you might be able to become a better man. How wrong I was.  
  
Spike: I might have a soul now, but hey, I'm still a vampire. Killing people, feeding from them… That's what we vampires do. That's our nature.  
  
Buffy: A soul? I really should stake you before you begin to ramble too much…  
  
After saying that, she leapt on the vampire, holding the stake threateningly frontward, but Spike easily avoided the attack by swirling on the side and kicked her roughly, sending her down on the ground.  
  
Spike then suddenly felt a slight pat on his back. He turned round with a low annoyed growl, and quickly snapped the neck of whatever creature had dared do such a thing.  
  
That was when he saw it. The look in her eyes. Fear. And death. A shiver of shame and pain ran down his spine, as he let the body fall limply on the ground. He stared at her unbelievingly, until Buffy's cry pierced his ears.  
  
Buffy: DAWN!!  
  
Spike stood still, unable to react, horrified by his own acts.  
  
Spike (muttering): God Nibblet, what did I do?  
  
He hadn't moved an inch when Buffy furiously drove her stake deep into his chest.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
**DAY 18:**  
  
Clem: SPIKE! IT'S YOU!!  
  
Spike looked up. Clem. The crypt. The pizza box. He quickly got up and grabbed Clem by the shoulders in an attempt to make him stop babbling.  
  
Spike: Clem, Clem! Listen to me, this his extremely important. Is this the first day you see me back here?  
  
Clem: Why, yes!  
  
Spike sat back on the bed, slightly relieved. In fact, if he hadn't been so hetero he might have French kissed Clem. Tears began to slowly roll down his cheeks while he buried his face in his hands. They were tears of sadness and happiness at the same time, sadness because he had killed Dawn, his Little Bit, the one he had protected so dearly over the last summer; and happiness because the fact that he was living the same day meant she was alive again.  
  
He couldn't get that look on her face off his mind. Hurting. Obsessing. How could he have done that to her? The memory of it ached painfully in his mind. Fighting the Slayer, who could defend herself, who had played with his heart for so long, seemed almost legitimate. But Dawn… She had never done anything to him. She was fragile and innocent.  
  
Then the vision of the other people he had killed that day replaced the one of Dawn. Innocent people, as innocent as Dawn was; people that probably were to yet other people what Dawn was to him. His tears redoubled at this thought.  
  
Clem was looking at him with genuine concern.  
  
Clem: Er… Spike? Are you ok?  
  
Spike: The soul… It didn't change anything… I'm still a monster… A bloody stupid monster…  
  
Clem: A soul? You… You have a soul now?  
  
Spike: As if it made any difference… I'm disgusted with myself even more than that day when I tried to… force myself on Buffy…  
  
Spike got up and began to walk towards the door.  
  
Clem: Where are you going? You just arrived, and the sun will rise in an hour or so!  
  
Spike: I… need to go check something.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
Spike gave a quick look through the Summers' window. She was there, on the couch, listening to Xander's joke. Safe and alive. The sound of her laughter made him smile.  
  
Reassured, he turned on his heel and headed for the place he had decided to go to this new today.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
Anya gasped when she opened the door to her apartment and saw the vampire standing in front of her after she had heard someone knock.  
  
Anya: Spike? What are you doing here? I thought you had left?  
  
Spike: I had. Look, I don't have much time. I heard you were a demon again. And I need some help.  
  
Anya seemed to hesitate.  
  
Anya: What kind of help?  
  
Spike: A teleportation. I… don't really have much time to travel.  
  
Anya hesitated a little longer, but Spike eventually managed to convince her. She looked at him weirdly when he gave her the coordinates of the place where he wanted to be teleported.  
  
Anya: Are you sure this is where you want to go? I mean, it's like… The middle of nowhere.  
  
Spike: That's where I want to go. Those are the coordinates of a cave actually, and if you could make us appear inside the cave, I really wouldn't mind. It's probably the beginning of the afternoon around there, and you know that we vampires don't really like being outside during the afternoon.  
  
Anya: Ok, I'll try my best.  
  


* * * * * * * * * *

  
  
Spike looked around as he and Anya appeared in a cave. Despite the darkness, he could tell it was the right one. That demon's cave where he had endured all those trials to win his soul…  
  
Spike: That's perfect Anya. Thanks.  
  
Anya: Do you want me to wait for you? To teleport you back?  
  
Spike: No, it's ok. You can go.  
  
Spike watched as Anya disappeared in front of him. With a sight, he began to walk farther into the silent cave. After a while he grew impatient and called.  
  
Spike: Oh come on! I know you're here!  
  
A disembodied voice eventually answered him.  
  
(voice): I see you are back, vampire. What is it you want?  
  
Spike (angry): What I want? You dare ask me what I want? 'tis you who cursed me with a dysfunctional soul!  
  
(voice, calmly): I gave you what you asked for.  
  
Spike: I know I asked for a soul. But this one doesn't work properly, I'm the same with or without it, I can still kill people, so take it back!  
  
(voice): What has been granted can't be taken back.  
  
Spike: But it doesn't work! I'm the same monster I was before!  
  
(voice): A soul cannot not work.  
  
Spike: Then how could I be able to kill and feed from people, exactly like I did for over a century?  
  
(voice): Not *exactly*. There is a difference.  
  
Spike: Stop this crap! You know, you should really work on this after-sales service of yours. 'tis bloody obvious you -…  
  
Spike's voice trailed off as he realized the demon was right, in a way. It *had* been different. He had felt guilty. Not immediately after the kills, but he had. For Dawn of course, but also for those he didn't even know. He finally admitted:  
  
Spike: Ok. You may be right. But I had thought that if I had a soul I wouldn't be able to kill anyone, like the P-… (Spike hesitated, guessing that the demon probably didn't know the name he liked to give to his grandsire) Hmm… Like Angel. That it would make me as close to a human as possible.  
  
(voice): Souled humans kill each other every day, the ability to kill is not due to a lack of soul. A soul only gives one the possibility to choose. The choice is then up to you.  
  
Spike: Maybe, but that's not the choice I wanted to make!  
  
A strange sensation overwhelmed Spike as he felt the demon was reading his mind.  
  
(voice): Your behavior was not due to a choice you made, but to your impulsiveness.  
  
Spike pondered over that. He was right. He had always been impulsive. As soon as he had known the chip was out, he had felt the urge to kill, exactly like that day when he had found that he could hit Buffy and had thought that it was because the chip didn't work anymore. The demon interrupted his thoughts.  
  
(voice): Do you still want me to take back your soul?  
  
Spike: Hmm, well… No, I think I'll cope. Anyway I don't think you'd be able to take it back for more than a day… (beat) Do you mind if I stay here until tomorrow?  
  
***********************  
_We hope this chapter wasn't too depressing... But hey, we had to go through that.  
The next chapter's title will be "Having some fun", if that can cheer you up...  
Oh, and thanks for all the great reviews! You have no idea how motivating it is!_  



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